3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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