You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
