this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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