I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
