And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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