yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
