How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
