y did u give ur computer a hand job?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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