You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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