I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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