My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
