I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
