if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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