I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
