On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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