I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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