ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
