y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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