You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
