Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
