you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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