The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
