just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
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At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
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I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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