Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
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so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
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The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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