Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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