i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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