There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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