I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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