Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
