i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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