watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
