i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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