The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just had sex on a roof
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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