Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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