did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
