i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
