Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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