He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
