found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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