As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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