Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
