Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
