dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
