Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It's just like the Real World with babies
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
