So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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