some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He did a backflip because drugs
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