I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
