I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
