You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
