she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
