She's like a pop up book from hell.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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