P.S. I can't hear my feet
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
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So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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