Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
