while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
