yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
