I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
