Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
