So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
