Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
