i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
