Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
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i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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