Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
