It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
either way he was missing a nipple.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
