She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
