She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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